Where am I going?

     Today I am certainly not where I expected I'd be at this time in my life.  Does anyone actually end up where they expected to be after age 60+?  Maybe some do, but I think that most do not.  In a way, that may be a good thing.  What a person wants is not necessarily what may be the best.  At least that's what I've heard most of my life.

     When I retired from my nursing career, my thought was that I would have more free time to pursue things I had put off for many years, play more tennis, travel more, relax a little more, read more, yada yada, yada.   Right!  Little did I know.  I should have realized what I was in for when, during my first month in our office, we discovered an embezzler.  That should have gotten my attention.  I guess it did for a while.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my hands on.  What I don't enjoy is how little I can control and how hard I try to control it.  It's a fine line deciding when to let go and when to take over.  Sort of like raising children.  But that's a topic for another day.

     I feel like venting about a decision I should have made several months ago.  I hired (actually re-hired) someone, I'll call her Jane, (not her real name).  At first I thought she was a God send.  We had lost 2 employees and we really needed help.  She called me out of the blue asking for a job.  I hired her part time.  From the very first I questioned myself.  Did I do the right thing?  Is she going to work out?  Did I hire without the right motives?  It became evident from almost the start that I probably had made a mistake.  I had some real misgivings but continued to push them aside.  No, I didn't fire her.  She just decided she didn't like a decision I made and didn't show up for work for the rest of the week.  That took care of the matter and made it easier on me.  Thank you God!  All I can do now is hope that's the end of it.

     Now I have to take on a little more.  Not only do I work 8 to 12 hours most days, I never seem to get done with anything.  I've always prided myself on "neatness".  I never like leaving my desk a mess when I leave for the day.  And I have a hard time with a messy desk while I'm there.  If there is too much "stuff" I can never find anything and it seems so overwhelming at times I don't know where to start.  I am learning to just "dig in" and at the end of the day I make my "pile" beginning with the most important "to-do" on the top.

     That's my life right now.  I try so hard not to have regrets and most of the time I can do that.  I have so much.  A loving husband and family, good friends, many awesome memories, my health, a roof over my head and food to eat (way to much food), and so many other blessings.  When I think about that, I can smile and love life.  It's the other side of me that I have to fight sometimes.  The side that sees the glass half empty instead of half full.  When that side hits me I want to crawl somewhere and stay in a cocoon.  Thank goodness I don't have much of a chance to do that.

     And, thank goodness for my sweet, loving, and generous husband.  As I reread my musings, I realize that without him, I would be one miserable "witchy woman".  He has brought so much to my life.  I can't think of ever being without him.  He is wise, humorous, generous to a fault, kind, loving, appreciative, and has taught me how to laugh and see the humor in all situations that don't seem humorous, how to look for the good things in others, not to judge a book buy it's cover, and how to have fun in the midst of overwhelming adversities.  He is my soul-mate.  The only man for me.  This year we will celebrate 48 years of wedded bliss ( yes, truly wedded bliss).  I love you, honey.

     Enjoy life folks.  Life is way to short to have any regrets.  And enjoy where you are today, because you don't know where you'll be tomorrow.