Tuesday, February 23, 2016
My Sister, Jan
It'a been a while. Just have had other things to do. And its been hard for me to write about my sister, Jan. She is such a strong person and has been dealing with breast cancer for over 10 years. She also suffers from MS diagnosed over 30 years ago. She lost her husband, Mike, 4 years ago. Life has given her struggles but she has always come through with flying colors. But it looks like her breast cancer is winning this time.
In February, 2015, the cancer was not responding to any of the treatments. In May, they discovered it had gone to the brain. Some radiation reduced the tumor initially but after a while that, too, failed to work. Since May she has deteriorated until today she is completely bedridden, cannot feed herself, or do anything for herself. At that time she was given about six months. She has long surpassed that estimate. She is under home hospice care. I cannot say enough about the wonderful workers at hospice. They are so caring and understanding. There are visits every day except on the week end, including someone who bathes her 3 times a week, nurse visits 2 times a week, and a social worker. There was a special signed photograph from Neil Diamond, her favorite and mine. He also sent some CDs and signed them especially for her.
I can't stay away. I love caring for her. I am honored to do it. My brothers and sister have been so very generous in helping with my travel. And her son, Tommy, too. Janna has so many friends here that have given of their time to be with Jan. Martha has been a Godsend. And there are not enough words to say how grateful I am to my wonderful husband who has let me spend so much time away. Even when we lost an employee and he's had to spend more time in the office he's been wonderful. He's the best! And thank goodness for the internet. I can actually work from here if need be.
Over these months Jan & I have had some great conversations. I've made my amends for all the dumb things I did as her big sister over the years. And the time when I ignored her because I was so jealous that she took my place when she was born. I was the only one for almost 5 years. How I was so happy she had to be in the hospital for her eye surgeries and the sleeping pills she ate from grandma's suitcase. We've talked about our trips to Norway and Germany, our cruises, especially our Alaska cruise with our siblings, our Lake Mead trips, and all the things we have done together.
I'm going to miss her so much. All of us will. She has been the glue that has kept all of us siblings connected. We've become closer since all of this. I've always thought that the dying process is more for the families than for the dying loved one. As long as the dying loved one is not suffering or in a great deal of pain, is comfortable, even though unable to communicate, there is time for reflection, acceptance, and forgiveness. It is a time of sorrow, but also a time of renewal. A time for reevaluating and realizing what is important in our lives. We all need this time. And I'm glad we have had it. I know that the last sense to go is hearing so I know that Jan will hear us to the very end. I know she knows we are here and that we love her very much. That's all I can ask.
I will miss you, Jan, but know you are in a better place. I love you, Sis.
In February, 2015, the cancer was not responding to any of the treatments. In May, they discovered it had gone to the brain. Some radiation reduced the tumor initially but after a while that, too, failed to work. Since May she has deteriorated until today she is completely bedridden, cannot feed herself, or do anything for herself. At that time she was given about six months. She has long surpassed that estimate. She is under home hospice care. I cannot say enough about the wonderful workers at hospice. They are so caring and understanding. There are visits every day except on the week end, including someone who bathes her 3 times a week, nurse visits 2 times a week, and a social worker. There was a special signed photograph from Neil Diamond, her favorite and mine. He also sent some CDs and signed them especially for her.
I can't stay away. I love caring for her. I am honored to do it. My brothers and sister have been so very generous in helping with my travel. And her son, Tommy, too. Janna has so many friends here that have given of their time to be with Jan. Martha has been a Godsend. And there are not enough words to say how grateful I am to my wonderful husband who has let me spend so much time away. Even when we lost an employee and he's had to spend more time in the office he's been wonderful. He's the best! And thank goodness for the internet. I can actually work from here if need be.
Over these months Jan & I have had some great conversations. I've made my amends for all the dumb things I did as her big sister over the years. And the time when I ignored her because I was so jealous that she took my place when she was born. I was the only one for almost 5 years. How I was so happy she had to be in the hospital for her eye surgeries and the sleeping pills she ate from grandma's suitcase. We've talked about our trips to Norway and Germany, our cruises, especially our Alaska cruise with our siblings, our Lake Mead trips, and all the things we have done together.
I'm going to miss her so much. All of us will. She has been the glue that has kept all of us siblings connected. We've become closer since all of this. I've always thought that the dying process is more for the families than for the dying loved one. As long as the dying loved one is not suffering or in a great deal of pain, is comfortable, even though unable to communicate, there is time for reflection, acceptance, and forgiveness. It is a time of sorrow, but also a time of renewal. A time for reevaluating and realizing what is important in our lives. We all need this time. And I'm glad we have had it. I know that the last sense to go is hearing so I know that Jan will hear us to the very end. I know she knows we are here and that we love her very much. That's all I can ask.
I will miss you, Jan, but know you are in a better place. I love you, Sis.
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