Haven't felt this depressed in a while. I know why. Haven't gotten my anti-depressant refill yet. I changed pharmacy details - did it too late to receive it before my meds were gone. My fault. I can procrastinate to the point of whatever.
I hate being on meds. I'm taking 2 B/P meds, a thyroid med, a cholesterol med, and an antidepressant. I want OFF of them all! Today, I don't care if I love or die. I just want to be in a different place.
I love my grandchildren, but don't feel like a good grandmother.
I love my husband, but don't feel like a great wife.
I love my children, but don't feel like a great mom.
I don't like working in the business.
I don't like where I live.
I don't like having to lose weight.
I don't like not being able to afford anything.
God, help me be to be better at everything.
I hope I feel better about everything soon!!
Saturday, June 30, 2018
Monday, June 18, 2018
Back to Basics
Wow! First time I've been on my blog site in 2 years. Haven't had the time. Really? I just haven't made the time.
Here we are, June 18, 2018. Where have these 2 years gone? I'm 2 years older, not so sure wiser. I'm actually taking the week off. Not going anywhere, just enjoying some time away from the office. Something my sweet daughter, Kathy, has been on me to do for a while. So, I decided this week end to take the time. Besides, I'm hoping my "anxiety" level will diminish, my blood pressure will go down, and I can be a more relaxed human being.
Part of my anxiety comes from what happened last week. Not at work. Only in my car. First, I turned left at an intersection I am familiar with, but I turned into the oncoming lane. Yikes! Thank goodness the traffic was light. No one even bothered to honk. They just got out of the way. Then a few days later I was turning left into a parking lot. First I waited, signal on, to let pedestrians cross. Then I turned, only to turn right in front of 2 motorcycles. They didn't ignore me. Gave me the "bird" then followed me into the parking lot, passed in front of the space I had taken, gave me very intimidating looks. I responded with "I am so sorry. Please forgive me." And off they went, leaving me shaken and thinking I should not be driving any longer. When I returned, I walked around the car to make sure they hadn't left any messages! What a week.
So, today, day 1, I decided to read my past blogs. Interesting to say the least. I still don't have much to say, life is still moving forward at a furious pace. Where does the time go? My grandchildren are growing up so fast, my children are growing older (yikes - that makes me feel really old), my hair is turning grey, but my life is full. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
June 14th would have been my parents anniversary. Today, June 18th, would have been my dad's birthday. And, tomorrow, my dad will have been gone for 39 years. I thought about him yesterday, all day, because it was Father's Day. He was a great dad. That's why I found another great dad - my special man, Glen. A wonderful man, husband, father, grandfather, and a special human being. I sometimes wonder how he has put up with me all these years. This year we will celebrate 55 years together. Wow!! Love you to the moon and back honey!!
Here we are, June 18, 2018. Where have these 2 years gone? I'm 2 years older, not so sure wiser. I'm actually taking the week off. Not going anywhere, just enjoying some time away from the office. Something my sweet daughter, Kathy, has been on me to do for a while. So, I decided this week end to take the time. Besides, I'm hoping my "anxiety" level will diminish, my blood pressure will go down, and I can be a more relaxed human being.
Part of my anxiety comes from what happened last week. Not at work. Only in my car. First, I turned left at an intersection I am familiar with, but I turned into the oncoming lane. Yikes! Thank goodness the traffic was light. No one even bothered to honk. They just got out of the way. Then a few days later I was turning left into a parking lot. First I waited, signal on, to let pedestrians cross. Then I turned, only to turn right in front of 2 motorcycles. They didn't ignore me. Gave me the "bird" then followed me into the parking lot, passed in front of the space I had taken, gave me very intimidating looks. I responded with "I am so sorry. Please forgive me." And off they went, leaving me shaken and thinking I should not be driving any longer. When I returned, I walked around the car to make sure they hadn't left any messages! What a week.
So, today, day 1, I decided to read my past blogs. Interesting to say the least. I still don't have much to say, life is still moving forward at a furious pace. Where does the time go? My grandchildren are growing up so fast, my children are growing older (yikes - that makes me feel really old), my hair is turning grey, but my life is full. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
June 14th would have been my parents anniversary. Today, June 18th, would have been my dad's birthday. And, tomorrow, my dad will have been gone for 39 years. I thought about him yesterday, all day, because it was Father's Day. He was a great dad. That's why I found another great dad - my special man, Glen. A wonderful man, husband, father, grandfather, and a special human being. I sometimes wonder how he has put up with me all these years. This year we will celebrate 55 years together. Wow!! Love you to the moon and back honey!!
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