I've got my feet up, having quiet time before bed, everyone else is asleep and I realize how blessed I am. I realize I don't need for anything and there are few things left that I really want. Oh sure, I want a new car, new washer/dryer, refrigerator, new kitchen actually, but I don't really need them. I've got a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, plenty of food to eat (more than I need), clothes on my back and in my closet, a man I love and who loves me, five wonderful children (spouses included of course), and six exceptional grandchildren, good friends, good health, and lots of memories. There is so much more. I could go on and on.
So what is the problem? I am reminded of the thirty years or so that we spent raising our five. What would I have done differently. The answer, a lot of things. I would have spent more time on the floor with them. I would have laughed more, played more, cleaned house less, been less concerned about being too perfect or raising perfect children. I would have gone to the beach more often (they loved the beach and so did I), had more "tea parties", played ball, pulled wagons, colored, sang, danced, screamed much less, said "I love you" more often, made mud pies, watched balloons fly, see pictures in the clouds, searched for 4-leaf clovers, blow bubbles, fly more kites, swing higher, and hugged more often. I'd like to slow time so I can relish the moment, live in the present, not always looking forward to tomorrow, the next day, next year, or the next. That's what I would do different.
With grandchildren, I now have the opportunity to do those things. And yet, I still find myself doing my busy things first, then doing the fun things. It is so engrained in me I really have to work hard to fulfill this desire. I have a hard time with it. Thank goodness my children are not doing the same things. I watch with envy as they play games and act silly with them. They learned that from their father for sure.
I realized on this last birthday that a year flies by much faster than ever. My days are faster, one day it's Monday then the next is Friday. The weekends are so fast and the weeks turn in to fast months. Before I know it, Christmas is here again. Just think, it seemed like yesterday that we were so concerned about Y2K. Now we are looking at 2010. I'd love to hold it back for a little while but I know I can't. So my job is to enjoy every moment I'm allowed, to know what is more important in my life, and to be in the moment. Easier said than done. But nothing worthwhile comes easy. The rewards are greater when we have to work harder for them.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Children
When children are little we have such dreams for them. Little do we know about what the future holds. As parents, we hope they will grow up to be the adults we can be proud of. And in this, we have not been disappointed. Our children are good, strong, diverse, opinionated, kind, loving and adults that we are very proud of.
Their diversity, however, can add to my already graying hair. I have always tried to stay out of their discussions ( I refuse to call them arguments), although, it sometimes takes me back 30 years or more when I would worry that they would never be friends and would hate each other forever. In their adulthood, we have made it a practice to not discuss politics or religion since we don’t always agree and it can become somewhat volatile.
Since the advent of e-mail, IMs, blogs, FB, tweets, and none personal discussion groups we no longer have face to face discussions and we sometimes fail to see beyond the written word. That’s not all there is to communicating. There are no facial expressions, body language, voice inflections, eye contact or gentleness. It’s all been reduced to black and white with a few emoticons. The written word cannot replace real people and real voices. I believe it has had a detrimental effect on our relationships with each other.
Over recent months I have had occasion to read the back and forth comments on FB between several of our children. It’s fun to read their banter back and forth, but sometimes things get a little heated. And sometimes it gets a little too personal. At least, that’s the take I have on it. I tried for the longest time to let it go. It’s not my business. As young children, when they would have very heated arguments and act as children do, I could end up making things worse if I tried to interfere. And I often did. Parents have to walk a very fine line between knowing when to keep our hands off and when it’s time to break things up. To break things up I would often just tell them to go to their rooms and stay there until they could apologize to each other. And I would do this in a very loud voice.
One of the things I really look forward to is our family gatherings whenever we can arrange them. I just love having our growing family together. We’ve always had such a great time. And I’ve always been so proud of them because of their ease of being with each other and love for one another. I hope that never changes, because, after all, what is important is family, not who can out argue the other. Sure, we all have our own opinions about things and so what if we don’t all think alike. If we did, it would be a very boring life and we would accomplish nothing. We didn’t raise our children to be mirror images of us or each other.
I can only hope that this next family gathering will be even better than the others since everyone plans to be there. Our Thanksgiving meal will be both traditional and non-traditional since we do have such a diverse family. The important thing is that we all be together and have a good time. I love you guys.
Their diversity, however, can add to my already graying hair. I have always tried to stay out of their discussions ( I refuse to call them arguments), although, it sometimes takes me back 30 years or more when I would worry that they would never be friends and would hate each other forever. In their adulthood, we have made it a practice to not discuss politics or religion since we don’t always agree and it can become somewhat volatile.
Since the advent of e-mail, IMs, blogs, FB, tweets, and none personal discussion groups we no longer have face to face discussions and we sometimes fail to see beyond the written word. That’s not all there is to communicating. There are no facial expressions, body language, voice inflections, eye contact or gentleness. It’s all been reduced to black and white with a few emoticons. The written word cannot replace real people and real voices. I believe it has had a detrimental effect on our relationships with each other.
Over recent months I have had occasion to read the back and forth comments on FB between several of our children. It’s fun to read their banter back and forth, but sometimes things get a little heated. And sometimes it gets a little too personal. At least, that’s the take I have on it. I tried for the longest time to let it go. It’s not my business. As young children, when they would have very heated arguments and act as children do, I could end up making things worse if I tried to interfere. And I often did. Parents have to walk a very fine line between knowing when to keep our hands off and when it’s time to break things up. To break things up I would often just tell them to go to their rooms and stay there until they could apologize to each other. And I would do this in a very loud voice.
One of the things I really look forward to is our family gatherings whenever we can arrange them. I just love having our growing family together. We’ve always had such a great time. And I’ve always been so proud of them because of their ease of being with each other and love for one another. I hope that never changes, because, after all, what is important is family, not who can out argue the other. Sure, we all have our own opinions about things and so what if we don’t all think alike. If we did, it would be a very boring life and we would accomplish nothing. We didn’t raise our children to be mirror images of us or each other.
I can only hope that this next family gathering will be even better than the others since everyone plans to be there. Our Thanksgiving meal will be both traditional and non-traditional since we do have such a diverse family. The important thing is that we all be together and have a good time. I love you guys.
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