When children are little we have such dreams for them. Little do we know about what the future holds. As parents, we hope they will grow up to be the adults we can be proud of. And in this, we have not been disappointed. Our children are good, strong, diverse, opinionated, kind, loving and adults that we are very proud of.
Their diversity, however, can add to my already graying hair. I have always tried to stay out of their discussions ( I refuse to call them arguments), although, it sometimes takes me back 30 years or more when I would worry that they would never be friends and would hate each other forever. In their adulthood, we have made it a practice to not discuss politics or religion since we don’t always agree and it can become somewhat volatile.
Since the advent of e-mail, IMs, blogs, FB, tweets, and none personal discussion groups we no longer have face to face discussions and we sometimes fail to see beyond the written word. That’s not all there is to communicating. There are no facial expressions, body language, voice inflections, eye contact or gentleness. It’s all been reduced to black and white with a few emoticons. The written word cannot replace real people and real voices. I believe it has had a detrimental effect on our relationships with each other.
Over recent months I have had occasion to read the back and forth comments on FB between several of our children. It’s fun to read their banter back and forth, but sometimes things get a little heated. And sometimes it gets a little too personal. At least, that’s the take I have on it. I tried for the longest time to let it go. It’s not my business. As young children, when they would have very heated arguments and act as children do, I could end up making things worse if I tried to interfere. And I often did. Parents have to walk a very fine line between knowing when to keep our hands off and when it’s time to break things up. To break things up I would often just tell them to go to their rooms and stay there until they could apologize to each other. And I would do this in a very loud voice.
One of the things I really look forward to is our family gatherings whenever we can arrange them. I just love having our growing family together. We’ve always had such a great time. And I’ve always been so proud of them because of their ease of being with each other and love for one another. I hope that never changes, because, after all, what is important is family, not who can out argue the other. Sure, we all have our own opinions about things and so what if we don’t all think alike. If we did, it would be a very boring life and we would accomplish nothing. We didn’t raise our children to be mirror images of us or each other.
I can only hope that this next family gathering will be even better than the others since everyone plans to be there. Our Thanksgiving meal will be both traditional and non-traditional since we do have such a diverse family. The important thing is that we all be together and have a good time. I love you guys.
2 comments:
Love is always there. Restraint, sometimes weak. Studies have indicated (I don't know where to quote) that communication is generally 20% verbal, 80% non verbal. So, take out the visual cues and sometimes the message isn't the same as was meant. Or perhaps the humanness doesn't come through the way it should.
Regardless, from my people-pleaser's perspective, I will give my commitment to be myself, be honest, and at the same time be respectful to my family. Because my love for you is most important.
My commitment: Fun at the Alamo; A Star Wars Trivial Pursuit tournament (mom, dad, Kristi, and Tom are permitted to opt-out); Football is a must; join the Tortoreo's for NASCAR/INDY racing fun; A dinner on the river walk or even a ride on the river; and silliness.
There is always room for more silliness.
You are so right on, Kathy T. Yes, I know who you really are :)
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